Bowling and Bullet Holes

Before I left for exotic Punxs'y, I made a pledge to myself (along the lines of a "Give me liberty or give me death") that I would make the most of my last weekend in The District. While I had an absolute blast (yes, I understand that sounds like I stepped straight out of of 1954--"neat-o"), somehow my "making the most" pledge fell kinda short (more along the lines of "The Prom Promise"). Instead, I went to some random ass bars, brunch (expertly prepared by KK -- much thanks!), bowling, and a Book-It style pizza party (much thanks to TF and DK). However, if you were to have asked me at which of these activities I would have most feared for my life (and seriously, I know that's the first thing you think of when anyone tells you what they did over the weekend), I would not have guessed it would have been bowling. However, it was CLEARLY the front runner. You may ask, how can a simple game of 10-pin be frightful? Well, I would respond that it is not the game, but arriving at the destination in which the danger lies.

So, when not hanging out with my precious "Circle" (yes, yes, I am shocked as you are that I spend time away from them, and would probably have my doubts that I'm currently lying), I associate with the few, clearly not proud nor elite, Georgtown Med students. And one of our favorite past times (and by favorite past times, and by that I mean I went like twice before and it was fun) is bowling. We have only 2 requirements for our bowling adventures. First, they must have "glow bowling" or "rock 'n bowl" or the like (what can I say, we need a little Top 40 and black lights to get into it). Secondly, it must be somewhat inexpensive (as med students, we must use the money we get from selling our stem cells efficiently). When choosing a locale, I would guess the majority of people would check out Google or the Yellow Pages to find a bowling alley. I, of course, did not pursue that track.

When I wanted the foremost of bowling locations in the greater DC metropolitan area, I went to my local neighborhood surgical pathologist for advice. Yes, you heard me right, a pathologist. While most pathologist are recognized as having a social life that would be expected of one who would rather work with microscope slides and corpses as opposed to, uh let's just say, "the living," this pathologist is a little different. As a 30 something year-old mother of 5 children (all between the ages of like 11 and 4 -- SCARY!) and native of one of Punxs'y's neighboring towns, I take pretty good stock in her advice on benign social activites (more like ice cream socials than places to score cocaine). So, I listened when she came up with a quick and enthusiastic recommendation--Fort Meyer.

Now let's just pause for a moment. For those of you not familiar with this DC institution, Fort Meyer is a U.S. military base located on the other side of the Potomac. The soliders at Fort Meyer are most well known for guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Solider at Arlington Cemetery. What you may not know is that these soliders are also trained to be the first line to establish martial law in The District in the case of an attack. Therefore, while they are twirling their guns for the happy tourists, they are deep down wanting to set up a bunker with an AK-47 on M and Wisconsin. Hence, some apprehension existed on my part in entering their relm.

Despite my worries, I figured "Hey, it will be just me and EC, what's to worry about." Obviously, that's when things go horribly wrong. When I went to go pick up my friend EC at her apartment complex (where like half of my med school class lives), she informed me that there was a "small rooftop party" there earlier in the night and a "few" other people might want to come along. Okay, I thought, I can deal with that, and the more the merrier, right? However, when I pulled up to the entrance, EC came along with 4 (my care seats only 5) other of her very intoxicated friends. So let me recap, I am now cruising in my 2002 Dodge Stratus at over-capacity of drunkards with the destination of a US military base. Yeah, needless to say I was a bit worried.

As I pulled up to the gates, I prayed that this would not be my one way ticket to Guantanamo Bay. You can imagine that prison conversation -- What you in for? Threatening to bomb the U.S. How about you? I just wanted to go bowling (followed by me breaking into tears). Hesitantly, I pulled up to the gates with my clown car of drunkards. Seeing the soliders in the not so distance, a cold sweat developed between my palms and the steering wheel. Meanwhile, my passangers continued to chatter about everything from Justin Timberlake to colonics. Suddently, I snapped into my training as a summer counselor of high school students. With a swift "Be quiet, pay attention, and keep your eyes forward", I commanded the attention of the car.

After going through the gate with a polite but stearn "What's your business?" from the guards, I was allowed to proceed through. Wow, I thought to myself, this is going to be easier than DK getting thrown in the drunk tank. Rolling up through the military campus, however, I was summoned to check point number 2.

There in an omniously lit open air hanger my car was stopped by no less than three soliders, my "favorite" of which held a semi-automatic weapon that was about the same size as he was. This is it I thought. My life had a pretty good ride up to this point. I'll be bowling in heaven with Jesus and my childhood pets tonight! Now, guurd number 1 asked for my ID and requested that I open all the car doors, and pop my trunk and hood. Guard 2 requested that we all file out of the car and stand at least 5 feet away. Meanwhile, guard 3 stood there eyeing up this group of future doctors while gently stroking the trigger of his gun. With everything open and at a safe distance, the gaurds then proceded to scan every inch of my car. My mind raced, "Do I have anything in there that could be mistaken for a bomb? I know I don't own a gun but could someone have left one in there? Do I have any anti-Bush stuff in there? If they question anything, say you love freedom, support the troops, and just run."

Despite my worry, we were give the seal of approval and allowed to proceed to our final destination (yet, that guard 3 did not put his weapon down once..hmm). Surprisingly, in the end, I HIGHLY recommend the Fort Meyer bowling alley. They have excellent music, great facilities, and some kick ass rock 'n bowl for dirt cheap ($4/game including shoes). So, if you like bowling but also want the same treatment one would get smuggling heroine across international lines, Fort Meyer's is the place to go.